Yours To Love Yours To Take Read online

  His work started. She tried waking up early mornings when he left to bid him goodbye. Sometimes he came late. The first couple of days he made love to her, but it became alternate days and then once a week. One day he told her not to wait up for him. He preferred if she slept on time. She tried to tell him she was fine but he stopped her. “Anita! You are my responsibility. The last thing I need is your health getting affected. I have so many things to take care of.”

  She had nodded, lowering her eyes. She was trying to hide her pain. She realized she had to wake up and accept that their relationship was a decision he took in his lowest phase, when they both had hit rock bottom. But now he was trying to make it work because he was brought up in such an idealistic family, and he stated clearly that she was his ‘responsibility’. She realized she couldn’t let this trap him. She loved him too much let this relationship suffocate him. It was time to take a decision. He would be fine with her decision in the long run, she thought. She had to do this for him. It will hurt her to the core but she had to. And she also had her own closure waiting for her in Shimla.

  Chapter 13

  Took off, furious and acceptance

  Salim was dead tired; he just wanted to lie down next to Anita and feel her warmth, feel her arms holding him, feel her soft body pressed against his. He never realized he was becoming crazy about her. He took a shower and came to the bed, switching off the bathroom light. He had made a habit of not switching on the light in the room so as not to disturb Anita and instead use the bathroom light. He stretched his hand to pull her to him. Then he felt she was not there. The bed was cold and it hadn’t been slept in. He got up.

  “Anita!” Salim shouted after having searched the house. He had first gone to the store room. He was furious as it was 3:00 am and Anita should be sleeping, not reading or holing up in her store room. He wanted to seal that room. Except she had never gone to that room since the day they returned from the hospital after meeting grandmother.

  Seema came running. She had changed for the night but he could make out she had not exactly slept and seemed anxious.

  “Ma’am Anita told me she had kept a letter for you and that you would understand.” Cursing out loud he rushed to the room. Salim picked up the letter addressed to him and started to read.

  Salim,

  Don’t be furious, and listen please. I am going to Shimla.

  He cursed.

  I have some stuff left without proper closure in Shimla and I need to take care of that. And we both need a little space now. It’s been a few months since we got married. We both had married in the wake of severe pain and loss. Now you are busy with your hospital and I am glad that slowly yet steadily you are going back to surgeries. Your work defines you, so do hit back with vengeance. You can bring Ananya’s photos and the chair back in the bedroom if it gives comfort to you. I don’t have any problem if that is what gives you comfort.

  I need to find something for myself. You no longer need me. Just take this time to rest in the night ;-)

  Please pass my wishes to all your family members. In case you need anything, anything at all, I am just a phone call away.

  Always yours,

  Anita

  “Who the hell does she thinks she is? I don’t need her permission to get Ananya’s stuff back to the room.” he spat. “Does she really think it’s funny with a wink in the letter?” He grabbed his phone and dialed her number. She picked up on the fifth ring.

  “Where the hell are you? Who do you think you are? Just going off on your own not even once having mentioned it? I want you here. Right now! Do you hear me?”

  Anita cut the phone.

  He cursed louder. He tried calling again a few more times and every time she disconnected the call. He was fuming.

  “Why the hell are you disconnecting my call?” Salim sent a text to Anita.

  He waited for a second wondering if she would react to his text or not, then he heard the ping of a new message.

  “How will a mute speak?” She replied with an emoticon of a red furious face.

  He let out his breath. She had just thrown his words back at him.

  “Where the hell are you?”

  “In Shimla” She replied, this time with an emoticon which showed almost disdain.

  “How the hell did you reach there? And since when have you planned this flight, and for what reason?”

  “Too many questions, Salim. I just reached a couple of hours ago. And I had not made a big plan. It was time I took care of some things that needed to be done.”

  “Stop this joke, Anita. Where are you?”

  “I told you I am in Shimla. I took a flight to Delhi and then came here.”

  ‘God!’ He whispered. She was really in Shimla.

  “You do remember what I made you sign while marrying.” Salim tried the last trick up his sleeve.

  “I do Salim, and I don’t want a single thing of Ananya’s, or mine for that matter. And by now you know that about me. I will also pay the amount you spent on me whichever way I can, Salim.”

  He knew she would do that even if she had to sign a devil’s bargain with anyone. He suddenly remembered Surendra was there to help her with just that and he didn’t like it. He shouldn’t have brought this thing up now.

  “Did you get the tickets yourself or got help?”

  “Why, Salim?”

  “Tell me!”

  “The only person who has the guts to help me, knowing you wouldn’t like it, is Milind. So I asked him to help me with the travel arrangements.”

  “God! Ok. Come on skype.”

  “What’s the use? You won’t understand my signs.”

  “You’ve never talked back to me before so bluntly.”

  “We never texted before and you wouldn’t have understood my sign language anyways.”

  “Fine . . . Fine . . . please, will you come on skype? I need to see you once just to make sure you are fine.”

  “Hmmm ok”

  He rushed to switch on his laptop. In few minutes he got her call. Both of them didn’t have to speak, they just looked at each other.

  “I came home to hold you in my arms as I drifted to sleep.” His words were soft and yet held restrain.

  Understanding him, she smiled tenderly at his words and placed her fist on her heart. Her eyes suddenly softened as her fingers moved to touch the computer screen.

  He understood she was touching his face on her screen. “Then why did you leave?” His voice broke as the words escaped from his lips.

  She smiled and grabbed her phone and started typing. He got angry that she was busy sending messages when he was talking to her. Then his phone pinged.

  “I had to. I need a little space, a little time . . . please give me that.”

  He just looked at her without speaking. Taking a deep breath he nodded.

  “You must go and sleep. You have a long day ahead.” she texted again.

  “When will we talk again?” he asked.

  “Whenever you want. Just text me.”

  “Will you come on skype if I asked you to?”

  She smiled. He was asking her instead of commanding for a change and she nodded.

  “What things have you got to do?” He didn’t want to end this conversation.

  She smiled again and texted “We will have time to talk about that soon. Now you must sleep.”

  Saying good night they switched off the computer.

  He needed to reduce his work load or soon this distance is going to grow big. He knew it for sure.

  Anita thought that he will have enough time and distance to forget her. She had knowingly left a light hearted letter or his idealism and responsible nature would not allow him to let her go. So she had to buy time to make him see she is no longer needed. Now she needed her own closure. She had gone through the trauma of losing her parents in an accident and now Ananya. She could relate to his pain. Her sympathy had soon become empathy and she never knew when it turned to love. But she had hopelessly
fallen in love with him.

  Anita had a lot to do. She needed to start a job and slowly let herself accept and find closure as far as Ananya was concerned.

  When she had walked into Surendra’s house, Aayi had come rushing to hold her against her bosom and cried.

  “How are you?” She held Anita’s face and looked at her forehead and then to her neck for the Mangalsutra. “Does he treat you right?”

  Anita smiled and nodded.

  Aayi noted the glow when Anita mentioned Salim.

  “You love him?” Aayi asked with a smile and Anita nodded again. She gave a kiss on Anita’s forehead. “Come, come inside.”

  She took her through the palatial mansion into Surendra’s study where he was busy doing some work.

  “Baba!”

  “Hmm?”

  “Baba . . .”

  “Aayi, I have lots of work. I will sleep in a few,” Surendra said without looking.

  “Baba!” She said a little louder.

  “What is it, Aayi?” Irritated, he lifted his gaze and saw Anita. With a quick spring he came rushing and in one swift movement he had her in his arms and swung her like she was a baby. He placed her back on the ground. He knocked on her head softly.

  Anita giggled. She had never seen Surendra this happy.

  He held her face tenderly and gave a chaste kiss on her forehead. Then he looked back at the door and looked at her questioningly.

  She shook he head and his face became grim.

  “What happened? How can he allow you to travel all alone? You have never travelled out of Shimla before. How can he be so careless?” he stopped when she placed her hands on his chest.

  Shaking her head she said in the sign language,

  “I can manage travelling alone and here I am, absolutely fine. He is back to his work so I came here for some days.”

  He tried to smile. It would take some time for him to accept Salim as her husband.

  “In Maika!” Surendra said. She laughed at his words.

  “You can say that. But I need to go home.”

  He stiffened.

  “I will be fine. I have to do this Surendra. You know that we all need to have a closure to a lot of things. This would be mine.”

  He wasn’t convinced yet he nodded in the positive.

  “I am hungry!” Anita said. Aayi laughed and holding Anita’s hands, took her to the kitchen. Thinking what to make out of this, Surendra followed. Other helpers in the house had gone to sleep. Aayi quickly made hot chapatti and gave her some achaar to go with it. Surendra joined in too. It was just like the old times except for the live-wire Ananya, who used to continuously torment Surendra, was not there anymore. They all felt that and realized they didn’t have to say it out aloud.

  Once they had finished eating, he took the car keys and drove Anita to her house. She was surprised to see it was clean. As always Surendra had made sure the house was clean and ready any day she wanted to come back home.

  Chapter 14

  Memories, hurting and nightmares

  Entering, she looked around. This was the first time she had come back here in normalcy after the life altering incident. Normal because Surendra was here, unlike last time when it was Milind and Salim. Surendra walked towards her and placed his hands on her shoulder. She turned and smiled.

  “Did you allow Salim to take Ananya’s stuff?”

  Tilting her head sideways, she smiled. “That’s an odd question.” She signed.

  He took a deep breath and then shrugged. He was worried if it was a good idea to leave her alone here.

  Where is her so called husband? He thought and felt his anger rise. Then a sudden thought occurred and he rushed to her “Did he hurt you or misbehave with you?”

  “Listen Surendra, I have absolutely no problem with Salim. He is not the sort of person who would hurt a woman.”

  “Physically he won’t, not with the sort of family he has. I’m sure no one in the family would encourage that kind of behavior. Milind also promised me he would keep an eye on your welfare. Then why is he not here with you?”

  “Because . . . he understands when I say I can go alone. He knows I mean it. Remember the time when I had come to pack my stuff? I told him I can go alone yet he said he would like to come with me as I was coming home for the first time since Ananya’s death.” She looked squarely at Surendra and realized this is the first time she had spoken about Ananya’s death. May be that was her way of slowly trying to find a closure. She had helped Salim to find his closure. Now she needed to find hers. Calming down she made Surendra understand her decision was right and those guys had no call in this. Finally, she made him believe she will be fine and reluctantly he left.

  Letting out a breath she walked around slowly. She paused at Ananya’s room then moved towards her parent’s room and paused there for a moment. She placed her palms on the door and stood there for a long time.

  She checked the time. It was past 2:00 am. Salim would have come home by now, she thought. She smiled at the way he had held her, kissed her. They had shared so many secrets and had made love. She had fallen for him bad. They did learn about each other a lot, she was sure about that.

  A smile crept to her face when she remembered the torrent of calls from him. Slowly he had calmed down. She should go slowly. She had to handle him with kid gloves. She had noticed how he had been with all the others. People were cautious around him yet he had so many people who cared about him, loved him. Since he never shared his pain with any one, he had found her to release his anger and pain. She thought that phase has kept her from thinking about her own loss. After he hung up from skype, her fingers still tingled from feeling his face on the computer screen. Taking a long breath she quickly took a quick shower and soon fell into a tired sleep. Her fear that she won’t be able to sleep turned out to be baseless and soon she was dead to the world in a few minutes. Something about the house was very soothing.

  Someone was trying to barge in. She didn’t want to get out of her blanket. She pulled Ananya who was sleeping close to her, “Shhh. you sleep. I am here.” she whispered. “I won’t let anyone take you away.” The banging increased. “NO!” She held on to Ananya harder. The banging and shouting increased. And soon she heard the door being opened. “No!” She shrieked. “Anu! I won’t let you go. NO!”

  Then she felt her whole being been shaken. She opened her eyes and saw Surendra towering over her small sleeping frame. His eyes were red. Trying to smile she freed herself from his tight grip. As she got up from the bed, she checked the clock. It was 7:30 AM. His eyes were wild, his hair haphazard.

  “Is everything all right?” She signaled.

  In one quick movement, she was in Surendra’s arms and a sob broke from his lips.

  “I thought I lost you.”

  She frowned. Lost?

  “You didn’t open when I knocked the door. You didn’t pick the call when I called. I was so scared.” He said running his hands through his hair.

  “I was tired so I must have slept like a log I guess.” she said, confused.

  Then the meaning of what he was saying crashed in. She turned him and jerked his arm with great force so that he faced her. She fumed, “You really thought I would do something like that? How dare you?” She pushed him hard on his chest. “Don’t you know me?” She pushed him again. “How dare you?”

  This time he held her wrist. “I am sorry! But the very thought crossed my mind and I couldn’t afford to lose you as well.” He pulled her to him and held her. “I am sorry! I am sorry!”

  Then she eased from his arms and looked at him.

  “I would never do anything of that sort. Do you get that?” she said. He smiled and nodded. Soon she was making tea for them. He stood by the kitchen door and watched her.

  “You spoke.”

  “What?”

  “You spoke, Anita.” Surendra said softly.

  She made an ‘O’ with her lips and shrugged.

  “You knew you have started to
speak?”

  “When I went to meet Salim’s grandmother in the hospital, an accident case was brought in and I panicked and that made me speak, I guess,” Anita said.

  “So why are you not talking now? Why are you using signs?” He noticed she was getting uncomfortable.

  “I am used to speaking in sign language.”

  He wanted to hear her speak but he didn’t want to hurt her in the process. She genuinely seemed uncomfortable about it.

  “Does Salim know?”

  She nodded.

  “And…?”

  “And what?” She frowned.

  “What was his reaction?”

  She smiled remembering how he was crazy to hear her say his name.

  “He was fine about it.”

  “Just fine?” Surendra asked irritated, as he had seen the smile playing on her lips.

  “He is fine.” she said, nodding with a smile.

  Surendra felt slightly happy. That was a secret smile of the newly wed wife when talking about her husband and yet a slight hurt was pricking him because she had secrets which didn’t include him.

  “Good! Now that you can speak you should try speaking more.”

  She looked at him and shrugged non-committedly.

  Chapter 15

  Company, closure and charge

  Aayi had sent some parathas, achaar, and sabji.

  “If she goes on sending food when will I cook? I need to cook.”

  “Didn’t you cook in your sasural?”

  She shook her head. “Our housekeeper did.”

  “Married a Seth, hmm?” he said, winking at her.

  “No, a Surgeon.” she winked back.

  They talked for long. They had breakfast together and made plans of spending the day with each other. “It has been a long time, right?”