Yours To Love Yours To Take Read online

  She was planning to go. She had never dreamed of anything for herself ever. She was happy with her books, her small clerical job in the school. She used to earn fifteen thousand a month. Ananya used to tell her she wouldn’t even have enough for the home expenses. But not only could she manage the expenses, she had started saving, hoping she would save a little for Ananya’s marriage. All that hope was shattered; Ananya had left her alone.

  Now she was letting someone enter her heart. Wrong move, a very wrong move, she thought. She needed to leave. As soon as Salim started working again she could leave. Everything that was Ananya’s she would gladly give to Salim, including her share of what little wealth they had. She didn’t mind. In just three months he had become so important to her, more important than anybody ever was, except of course Ananya. If taking everything away from her would help him feel better, she was fine with it.

  Soon they reached the hospital. Salim felt like a prick, one moment he had wanted her and the next he had pushed her away. He realized he had maligned her memories of Ananya in his stupid crooked ways. Not only had he surrounded Anita with Ananya’s photos, he had made her cringe at being alive. He wondered if she could ever remember her own sister without remembering the pain he had given her. He stopped abruptly and closed his eyes, took a couple of deep breaths. Then he felt her hand press against his, passing on her strength to him. How can anyone be so selfless in giving? he thought, as he looked deep into her eyes. She let go of his hand as soon as he entered the hospital premises. The whole Verma clan was here and he saw the surprised glances and gestures at seeing a girl with him. But it was his mother who was staring at him, shocked.

  Chapter 8

  Admission, introduction and welcomed

  “This is Anita, my wife.” Salim introduced Anita to his family.

  Dia frowned at her son’s words. “Wife? I thought. . . .” Dia massaged her forehead. She looked at the girl with black eyes that seemed to hold a lot, without giving away a thing. She looked like Ananya, Salim’s dead girlfriend whose photographs she had seen at his house, though a little different.

  “Ananya is . . . errr . . . was her sister, her twin.” Salim’s voice broke.

  Dia looked at Salim in shock. The question in her eyes was obvious- ‘why did you marry Ananya’s sister?’ Salim lowered his eyes. He knew his explanation would leave his mother broken. She didn’t bring up a son who would try to ruin somebody. “Amma, I will tell you about it later.” He pleaded.

  Dia nodded, agreeing to listen to his explanation later.

  Salim went towards the bed, placed his palm on his granny’s cheek and smiled at her.

  Dia just held on to her mother. It took a few minutes for Suhaan, Salim’s Uncle, to come to her side, slowly pull her free and take her into his arms. She clutched on to him and struggled to control her fear and pain. Her mother had almost died and now Salim disclosed that he is married to Anita, Ananya’s twin. Dia just wanted to hold on to her mother for comfort.

  “Dia, she is fine now. Shhh . . .” Suhaan comforted Dia. Anita realized Dia is Salim’s mother. Soon more people came in.

  “Welcome to our family.” Suhaan went towards Anita. “I am Suhaan, Salim’s uncle.” Suhaan was the fourth child of Gayatri and he was older than all but Mia. He was a big man, taller and broader than Salim. Anita smiled and thanked him in sign language. Suhaan frowned; he looked around to see if anyone else noticed her using the sign language. “How long have you been married?” Suhaan asked.

  She looked for Salim but he was still by his grandmother’s side. She thought for a moment and made the sign of four months.

  Suhaan patted her back and then gave her a hug. “God bless you dear” he said.

  “Anita!” It was Gayatri speaking to her with difficulty. “Let me see you girl.”

  Salim turned to look at his wife. Sometimes he could see a flicker of pain in her eyes and sometimes it was as if she had put a shutter to keep him from seeing through her.

  Anita lowered her eyes and came forward. She realized the whole families’ eyes were on her. She knew Salim had a big family but such a large one was a surprise. She saw a Caucasian girl in a corner and other members who looked so different from one another that they were obviously not related and yet they were a part of the same family. She knew Salim was adopted but had not realized that most of the others were too. This family looked different from others yet she felt it to be the closest family she would ever know.

  “You are beautiful,” Gayatri exclaimed. Anita blushed; she had never heard anyone say that. Often it was Ananya that people noticed and Anita had liked it that way. The way she dressed helped her to be invisible, as she didn’t like to be asked about her silence. She didn’t mind that she couldn’t talk like others but didn’t like it to be the topic of discussion.

  Salim tried to move away so Anita could come closer to Gayatri but Gayatri had other plans. She made him sit by her side. As she pulled Anita closer, his thighs pressed against Anita’s and in an attempt to hold her balance her hand involuntarily held his leg just above his knees. She quickly took back her hand and before she knew she was losing her balance. Before she could comprehend what had happened she was pressed against Salim’s body. She felt his hands around her waist and realized he had pulled her quickly before she fell. Gayatri chuckled.

  “Yes! That is a better position. I like all the love around me.” Gayatri laughed.

  Anita tried to escape from his hold but he held her, still looking into her eyes.

  “So tell me how did you manage to make him marry you?” Gayatri asked Anita.

  Anita looked alarmed. She responded in sign language, ‘it happened fast.’ Gayatri’s eyes widened and she looked at Salim for explanation.

  “It’s a long story.” Salim answered.

  Gayatri noticed how Anita was struggling not to squirm in his embrace. Something was not right. And she wouldn’t be surprised if most of the family members saw it too.

  “I am glad you got him hitched, Anita. I will need to learn the sign language. I have a lot to talk with you.”

  Gayatri spoke for a few more minutes but soon weariness consumed her and she fell asleep.

  Salim’s Grandmother was like a live-wire, Anita thought. Even after her narrow escape from death, she was so energetic.

  Chapter 9

  Panic, re-living past and regaining voice

  Seeing Gayatri drift into sleep Salim moved away a little. Finally Anita was released from the disturbing closeness. She felt another presence close by and saw Milind. Anita smiled at him. She saw two more men coming in. Milind told her one was Sujal and the other was Piyush, Salim’s brother and cousin. Nodding to the informal introduction, she slowly excused herself and walked out. She desperately needed some space.

  In the hospital lobby she saw a case of emergency. From the look of it, it was an accident. One of the stretchers passed right in front of her. The person was mangled and bloody. She lost her balance as she felt the whole world tilt.

  The car was suspended in an odd position. She called out for her mom and dad but nobody answered. She lifted her head with great difficulty and looked at the front seats. She tried to move her hands to call her parents. When she touched her dad, his head lolled on one side and she saw the blood oozing out. She started screaming.

  “Mom! Mom! Please ask dad to move. He . . .” Anita whimpered. “I don’t want blood Ma . . .” She managed to snake her hand to her mom’s shoulders but her mom almost dropped towards her. She screamed. She couldn’t see her face but there was blood everywhere on her mom too. She didn’t know what else to do except screaming. She shouted and cried but neither her mom nor her dad woke up. She called Ananya too but her twin lay in an awkward position with her eyes closed. “No! “ She shrieked.

  “Ananya! Please wake up . . .” She sobbed and sobbed but no one woke up at her painful cries. She covered her face and let out a wail. When she lifted her head, she saw her mom and dad holding Ananya’s hand through
the window. They smiled at her and walked away. “No! Don’t leave me, please! Too much blood here, please! Help! I want to get out. Don’t leave me all alone.” She kept crying but nobody listened to her.

  It was the scream that undid Salim. He rushed out and Milind followed. Milind was soon trying to hold Anita’s collapsing figure as she cried and screamed. She was speaking of not wanting to be left alone. Salim felt panic seizing him for the first time. He moved forward to take his wife from Milind’s arms.

  “You can’t yet with your shoulder.” Milind said, motioning to Salim’s shoulder. Though the doctor had removed the cast, Salim still had a stiff shoulder. He was planning to get back to surgery this Monday. He was doing his physio in time and with vengeance. He needed to embrace work again to forget the past, the pain, and the stupidity which resulted in misery for both him and Anita, who was now sobbing and crying in Milind’s arm. He had never heard her voice until now, but now he heard the pain, and he saw Anita as a reminder of what she was- alive. Unlike Ananya.

  Being Verma always had its pluses. They didn’t like to flaunt their family position or money but now they needed a room in the hospital ASAP and it was available for them. He knew what a struggle it was for a common man to get a room. He watched as the Doctor checked Anita’s vitals. She still continued to cry out. It was painful to listen to her voice filled with pain.

  The doctor looked at Milind and Salim. “She is-?”

  “She’s my wife.” Salim intervened just as Milind was about to answer that question.

  “Has she been in some kind of trauma?” the Doctor asked. Salim took a deep breath and nodded his head.

  “Looks like your wife is re-living some past traumatic incident. I will give something to relax her.” The Doctor called for the nurse and gave her an injection. “Please . . .” Anita cried again.

  Startled by Anita’s outburst Salim looked at her figure lying on the bed. Her voice was so soft it was almost inaudible. She was definitely scared.

  “Blood! Please get me out of here. It smells . . .” She sobbed. “Don’t leave me! Ma . . . Dad . . . Anu. Please . . .” she sobbed again and slowly drifted back to oblivion.

  Salim took an audible breath that almost sounded like a sob. He had not known the pain she hid.

  “She lost her mother and father in an accident when she was eight. They both . . . Ananya and Anita were in the car too. Ananya didn’t remember the accident. I think she lost consciousness or forgot what happened but Anita was conscious till help reached them and it was almost five hours before they rescued the two girls, their parents long dead” Salim explained to the waiting doctor.

  “I came to know this from Ananya, Anita’s twin.” He sighed. “Anita has never spoken since the accident. She had screamed continuously for help and everyone thought she had lost her voice temporarily due to screaming. But soon they realized she was not even trying to speak. A few months back she lost her twin . . . again in an accident.” Salim pulled up a chair and sat beside Anita, determined to help her in any way he could.

  Milind noticed the flicker of pain on Salim’s face. Salim had lost his parents in a bus accident when the bus they were travelling in had fallen into the river. That fateful day Salim had created so much fuss that his parents had left him with their neighbor instead of taking him along. Fate had not stopped there. Salim lost the love of his life, Ananya, again in an accident which he survived.

  Salim looked at his usually mute wife who was now sobbing and crying out loud. He closed his eyes. He had been so engrossed in his own pain that he had pulled Anita into it without thinking about the hell she herself was going through.

  “Everything is going to be all right.” Milind patted Salim’s shoulder.

  Salim gave a mirthless laugh. “I have been so self-centered. See what I did? I just ruined that selfless girl. “

  “Salim, this is the pain she has bottled up her whole life. And see, she just spoke when we never even knew that she could. And it was not you but the accident victim she saw which brought out all her pent up pain.”

  “She had seen Ananya and me as well at the hospital. And Ananya was . . .” Salim closed his eyes and continued, “not herself at all. The accident had changed her bad. Anita could handle that but she couldn’t handle seeing a stranger?” He said in a defeated tone.

  “Listen, Salim! She was waiting to erupt. This accident case just helped her. Let her cry out. It resulted in her talking again. So stop thinking negative and help her out now that she needs you.”

  Milind patted his back and left Salim alone with his wife.

  Chapter 10

  Concern, promise and restart

  Salim sat by Anita, holding her hand. She sobbed and cried out loud. Sometimes she shook as if she was crying, sometimes there was silence.

  Once she cried out his name, hysterical. “Salim!”

  He looked at her, shocked. The last thing he had expected was his name on her lips.

  “Salim!” She called him again. “Please don’t leave.”

  Salim clutched her hands hard. He kissed the back of her hands.

  “I am here, Anita! I am not going anywhere.” Kissing her fingers again he whispered, “I will never leave you. I promise I will never leave you. I can’t take back what I did to you, but I promise I won’t hurt you ever.” The words tumbled from his lips, and he meant every single one.

  He heard a knock and Suhaan walked in. Salim turned away to wipe the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

  “Son!” His uncle looked into Salim’s eyes. Suhaan had felt the undercurrent in the room, especially after watching Dia’s reaction. But he didn’t want to interfere as he respected the Verma kids and their decisions. They were brought up by very strong women and men. But the women had influenced them the most, so they have turned out to be great. He remembered how Piyush and Sujal had stood by their own wives during their tough time before marriage. Salim won’t be any less. He came and patted his shoulder.

  Salim let his head rest on this big man standing near him. The family was each other’s strength.

  Suhaan pulled up another chair and sat near Salim, next to Anita’s bed, while the doctor came in and checked Anita’s pulse.

  “Doc, you can take her home. She will be out of sedation in a couple of hours. I would suggest you let her rest here and let her walk out with you. You wouldn’t want to hurt your shoulder.” The resident doctor said to Salim.

  Salim nodded and thanked the doctor.

  Suhaan sat quietly and soon Salim told him the whole story. Suhaan listened with patience.

  Salim was surprised at the absence of any admonition. “Why are you not saying anything?” Salim asked. “How come you are not judging me?”

  “Why should I, son? Whatever the circumstances were, Anita understood your state of mind or she wouldn’t have agreed to be your wife. You tried to bind her to you, leaving no openings for her to leave you. Even knowing the trap you were building around her she willingly walked in and took care of you. Now, you have realized that you have hurt this selfless girl unnecessarily. And I know you will do the right thing. So why should I judge you?”

  Suhaan again patted Salim’s back. “All Verma men know what is right and what is wrong. If you have made any mistakes, I am sure you will set them right at the first opportunity you get.”

  They heard the door open and Dia walked in.

  “Is she all-right?”

  Salim nodded. Dia noticed he held Anita’s hand in his.

  “Was she there when I came to the house?”

  He nodded.

  “Did you hide her?”

  Salim shrugged. “I never even knew she had a viral fever when you visited. I came to know only after you guys left.”

  Dia nodded. “You married her immediately after Ananya’s death, right?”

  His shoulders sagged as he nodded.

  Mia also walked in. He took a deep breath and told them what had happened. Like Suhaan, no one judged him. He felt an odd
prick in his eyes. This was his family. He loved them and they loved him back. The family made him what he is and he was proud of it. Salim wondered if he could ever set everything right, if Anita would ever be able to forgive him.

  Soon he was left alone as everyone returned to Gayatri’s side.

  Anita felt hoarse and her throat hurt badly. She tried to get up when she felt strong hands help her up. She opened her eyes with difficulty and looked straight into the dark eyes of Salim. He looked haphazard. “You should rest. You will have to go back to work soon.” She gestured in sign language.

  He frowned as he didn’t understand what she was trying to say. She looked around for a notepad. Realizing her intention, he held her shoulder and she looked up at him.

  “Do you know you were speaking?”

  Anita frowned, not believing what he said.

  “You did. So please try to tell me what you were saying just now instead of writing it down.”

  Her face became mutinous.

  He saw that particular expression on her for the first time. He cupped her face but she averted her eyes. He still held on and finally she had to lock eyes with him.

  “You spoke. Your voice was so raspy. Every time a word escaped your mouth, it pierced through my heart. I couldn’t imagine all the pain you had held for so long. I am so sorry! I gave you more pain, over and over. Please forgive me? Now that you have let go of all the bottled up emotions,” he took a broken breath, “please . . . let’s start afresh.” “Do you know when you spoke my name in your sleep your voice got imprinted on my heart? I want to hear you call me again. Please!”

  It had been years since she had stopped talking. She had no idea what Salim was talking about. She only remembered seeing the accident cases being brought in and then everything went blank. She didn’t remember speaking at all. She wondered if her throat felt hoarse because of that.